Revision Matrix

1. Fixed grammar mistakes:

• Reread paper and corrected all wrong spelling and punctuation. 
• This has made my paper smoother and more creditable

1. Changed my title:

• My title was weak and only pertained to the class. Now the title sounds more professional and it supports my thesis in the paper. 

1. Fixed all APA citations:

• My paper had a number of miss or wrong citations. I have now fixed all citations in accordance to APA formatting. 
• In doing this I no longer have to worry about plagiarism, this also helps other readers in checking my sources and makes my paper more creditable.

1. Added a Reference page:

• By adding a reference page i have made it easier to check sources and I'm now in APA formatting guide lines. 

1. Cut the bullshit:

• I have really trimmed the fat by cutting all unnecessary statements, recommended by Zack De Peiro. 
• This has lead to a smooth paper and has gotten rid of all unwanted chatter. 

1. Pulled more quotes from class readings, interview and artifacts

• I have added a great number of quotes from class readings and the interview.
• This has strengthened my paper by adding more proof of people agreeing with me and this supports my thesis. My paper is much stronger because of it.

1. Took Zack De Peiro’s advice and chopped my paper into more manageable “bite size” paragraphs. 

• This has made my paper smooth and easier to digest than before. It is broken up and no longer a lengthy read.  

1. I have rid my paper of all hypotheticals and personal analogies.

• I have change all my personal analogies into quotes from class reading and artifacts. 
• Now I have other people supporting my idea instead just personal opinion.

1. I broke my Paper up into 3 parts

• My first draft was run on paragraphs with unorganized ideas.
• My new draft is more organized and easy to fallow, less jumping around.

1. Elaborated more on my Interviewer and his moves. 

• I have explained more about Dave’s (Professor Schwartz) background and his moves.
• This helps Dave get credibility from the reader and supports my thesis more.